Fix Myself Up With Duct Tape And Glue
by Moonypiez
Summary: It never stopped being his fault...Always... I'll fix myself up, with duct tape, and glue just like I always do


Fix Myself Up With Duct Tape And Glue

A/N- Poem written by my best friend! And this story might be a lot like my other stories… But I wanted to write it so…. Just read it :D

Disclaimer- I don't own Torchwood and my friend owns that poem so… I got nothin'….

_I'll fix myself up_

_With Duct Tape_

_And glue_

_Just like_

_I always_

_Do..._

_Beaten and bloodied_

_Broken and bruised_

_Your words hurt you know_

_Then again_

_How would you?_

_They slice_

_They dice_

_They cut me_

_So deep_

_And crimson red pours_

_As black darkness calls_

_Washing over_

_Taking over_

_Like a tidal wave_

_Filled to the brim_

_With your merciless_

_Lies_

_I drown_

_I suffocate_

_My innocence_

_Slowly dies_

_No matter though_

_I'll just fix myself up_

_With Duct Tape_

_And glue_

_Just like_

_I always_

_Do_

_A temporary fix_

_For when I'm broken_

_By you..._

_You take_

_And I give_

_And I give_

_And you take_

_But tell me:_

_How many times_

_Can the porcelain vase break_

_Before the glass pieces_

_Finally_

_Become_

_Too small_

_And can no longer_

_Be fixed_

_By the glues_

_Soft lull?_

_No matter though_

_I'll just fix myself up_

_With Duct Tape_

_And glue_

_Just like_

_I always_

_Do_

_A temporary fix_

_For when I'm broken_

_By you..._

_Can you feel that?_

_The pain?_

_As my will_

_Is finally slain?_

_The Beast_

_Got the best of you_

_I suppose_

_But I ask you:_

_How much more_

_Until he finally_

_Goes?_

_I don't know_

_If, "I'm sorry..."_

_Will be enough_

_Anymore_

_As my new place_

_Has become_

_The dingy_

_Wooden_

_Floor_

_No matter though_

_I'll just fix myself up_

_With Duct Tape_

_And glue_

_Just like_

_I always_

_Do_

_A temporary fix_

_For when I'm broken_

_By you..._

_Bones_

_Made of glass_

_Skin_

_Like ice_

_Eyes_

_Turn hollow sockets_

_Agony_

_By the slice_

_It seems_

_I've become immune to it_

_Thanks to_

_You_

_I can no longer_

_Feel better_

_After everything_

_You've put me through_

_You assume_

_I am strong_

_Yet I am really_

_So weak_

_Something I realized_

_One day_

_As I wiped the make-up_

_Off my cheek_

_Not just the force_

_You use to push me_

_To the floor_

_But the words_

_Oh, the words_

_They actually hurt_

_Even more_

_They may not show out there_

_But in here_

_They do_

_It cannot be easily healed_

_That kind of wound_

_It used to be_

_No matter_

_I used_

_To be able_

_To just fix myself up_

_I used_

_To use Duct Tape_

_And I used_

_To use glue_

_Just like_

_I always_

_Used_

_To_

_Do_

_Temporary fixes_

_No longer became_

_Enough_

_Temporary fixes_

_Just became_

_Too tough_

_For when_

_I was finally_

_Broken_

_By you..._

Ianto's eyes shot open. He thought of the nightmare that had just shot across his mind. The cars collided and blood splattered against the wind shield. He could still hear the agonizing wails echoing inside his mind. His mother and his sister's shrills. Their terrible screams that rang throughout the night. The pain that seized through Ianto's body. That seems like forever ago now. He was five when his mother, his sister, and he were in a car crash. Only he lived through that. The people at the hospital that treated him, kept telling him how lucky he was to be alive. They were sorry that his mum and sister had died but he should be happy that he got the chance to live. His father was so supportive. Kept telling Ianto how much he loved him. But then he went home. The minute he was out of the view of other people, his father turned. He told Ianto how it was his fault. His tad kept saying how Ianto was the cause of his wife and daughters death. Ianto didn't want to believe his father because the voice his father used was harsh and painful. But after a while, he couldn't deny it. He thought if he were never born, then other people would have lived. He can remember crying himself to sleep on many occasions. His father ended up becoming a drunk and losing his job. Ianto and his father were living off the generous amount of money they received from the law suit. By the time Ianto was 16, he was working full time to keep up with bills and his father's drinking. At that point school was optional. His father didn't care as long as he had a beer bottle in his hands.

Ianto gave up on sleeping after a while. He showered and slipped into one of his suits. It was around five in the morning so he got in his car and drove to the hub. The cog door alarm went off as he entered. Jack was in his office catching up on some paper work. Ianto got to work making coffee and the rest of the torchwood crew started to wander in. When everyone was at their desks he distributed the coffees and went to the tourist office. No one really came in there so he usually read some thing or got the thoughts that raced around his head organized. That's when Ianto's cell phone went off. The ID said private caller so Ianto ignored it. When his phone finally stopped ringing he listened to the voicemail that was left. There was a husky and slurred voice at the other end of his phone. He could just barely make out the words.

"Your fault. It was always your fault. If you were never born, you little brat, maybe your mum and sister would still be alive! I COULD STILL BE WITH THEM! BECAUSE OF YOU I LOST COUNTLESS JOBS AND I WOULD STILL HAVE A HOUSE! NOW IM A HOMELESS DRUNK BECAUSE OF YOU! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" The voice cut out and Ianto was left with silence. Ianto could feel wet tears sliding down his face. He let out a chocked sob. He kept himself silent enough to retreat to the archives before he fell to the floor and let out more tears. His head ended up on his knees and his hands went over his head. He was shaking with silent sobs. He hadn't heard from his father in years, but nothing had changed. It hurts that even after so long, his father went out of his way to find Ianto's number and blame him all over again. Ianto was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard someone open the door to the archives. He felt arms encircle him and heard a bunch of comforting words spilling out of the person next to him. Ianto moved his hands and through tear filled eyes, he saw Jack. Jack must have decided to look at the CCTV and saw Ianto in the archives. When Ianto realized that Jack had seen him crying he immediately stopped and got in control of himself. He tried to get out of Jacks grasp but that made Jack hold on tighter.

"Jack, can you let go of me? There's nothing wrong!"

"I'm not stupid Ianto! Please tell me what's wrong? You were just curled up in a ball crying your eyes out!" Jack looked into Ianto's eyes when saying this. Ianto's mask was back on. The tears were hiding behind a wall of glass. Broken glass scattered upon tons of duct tape and multiple pounds of glue. The pain and sadness that cowered behind it was unbearable.

"It wasn't anything that I didn't deserve." Ianto responded vaguely. Ianto ripped himself away from Jack and ran out of the hub. Jack ran out after him and the rest of Torchwood stared at them in confusion. Ianto ran up to the roof of a close-by apartment building with Jack trailing behind. Ianto got on the side of roof and Jack was still running to catch up. Ianto was going to jump, Jack knew that. _I have to go faster! I can't let him do this!_ Jack thought. That's when it happened. It felt like slow motion. Every second felt like an hour. Jack reached out for Ianto but he didn't grab anything. The only thing he heard was… Goodbye. Ianto fell. Jack was too late to save him. Jack's legs gave out and he fell to the floor. The hard concrete of the roof greeted him. He sat up slowly and started to vomit. There was screaming. Shrills from the people in the apartment. The sirens came next but he couldn't look down. Ianto would be covered in blood. Stiff as a corpse. Dead with the mask still plastered on his face. Jack got up and wiped his mouth. He ran down the stairs and to the ambulance. Paramedics were screaming orders as Ianto was put on a stretcher. That's when Jack realized, Ianto was still breathing. There were lights everywhere. People running around. Chaos at every corner. Next thing Jack remembers, he's in the hospitals waiting room. He had called the people at Torchwood and told them what happened. But the rift didn't permit their visit to see Ianto. Apparently there were multiple weevil sighting and they had to take care of it. While the people at Torchwood took care of the weevils, Jack was allowed to see Ianto. He stepped into a white room. Smelled very… sterile… Jack walked up to the side of the bed and saw Ianto lying there. His eyes were closed and Jack could hear his steady breathing. He pulled up a chair and held Ianto's hand. Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes.

"When I thought you were dead… I never realized how much I loved you." Jack's voice was full of emotion. The tears had started to make their way down his face.

"I love you too." Ianto said, staring up at Jack with the most innocent expression ever. More tears rolled down Jacks face as he kissed Ianto. Jack held onto Ianto's hand for what seemed like forever. Jack was afraid of letting it go. He was so afraid of losing Ianto again.

"Please tell me you'll never do that again," Jack asked, his voice cracking. He thought about it. If he found Ianto lying dead on the side walk. Ianto never answered him which scared Jack more than anything. That's when a nurse walked in.

"Sorry, I just need to change out the IV's."

"It's okay," Ianto said happy for the interruption. "What's your name?"

"I'm Christine Chapel." The nurse said, smiling over at them. (I love Star Trek (The Original Series) and Christine Chapel is the nurse in that :D DON'T JUDGE ME) "You two a couple?" Jack and Ianto both nodded and Nurse Chapel smiled at them. "You two are really lucky. It's a miracle you survived that."

"Yeah, we are lucky aren't we," Jack said looking down at Ianto smiling. Nurse Chapel left a few minutes later and Ianto looked broken. "What's wrong sweetheart?" Jack asked when he noticed Ianto's expression. Ianto could only remember the last time he was in a hospital. When everyone said he was lucky to be alive. What happens if Jack is like his father? He's going to blame me. Jack will turn on me too. But he has every right to. Ianto couldn't even kill himself correctly. He couldn't do anything right. He made Jack cry. Anyone in that apartment building that saw him lifeless on the ground must be terrified. _I can't do anything right… Tad's right. It's my fault. And it always will be_. That's when his glass wall broke. He couldn't use duct tape anymore, and he couldn't use glue. It just didn't work. He needed something more, like cement, to keep the pieces from breaking. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Ianto knew if he talked, everything would go down. The tears would come out and the truth along with it. Maybe that's what Ianto needed, he wasn't exactly sure anymore.

"You never made that promise…" Jack said, still holding Ianto's hands. He started to gently rub circles on Ianto's thumb.

"What promise?" Ianto asked, having enough control to keep his voice calm and face expressionless.

"Promise me you won't do that again," Jack said, his voice again, laced with emotion. "Promise me you won't try to kill yourself."

"…I can't…" Ianto said and he started sobbing. Jack had started to cry again too.

"Why can't you?" Jack asked and was scared that Ianto would try this again. Ianto ended up telling Jack everything about his father. Everything about what happened after his mother and sister died. Jack just listened. Jack would comfort Ianto various times during the story. But he didn't interrupt. When Ianto finished his story, they had went through a whole box of tissues.

"I have a lot of things to say about that story including things like your dads an ass and it's not your fault they died. And you're not a fuck up. You've got to be doing something right because you made me fall in love with you. But I have a question that probably hurts more than that whole story, why didn't you tell me before?"

"I never have told anyone that story before… I just… didn't think you loved me that much," Jacks face turned to an expression of hurt when Ianto said that. "I thought Owen was right, I was just a part time shag…"

"I'm sorry that I made you feel that way… I hope that you know that I do love you," Jack replied giving Ianto a long passionate kiss.

"I love you too Jack."

A/N- Kill me…. NOW… If you thought the relationship I had between Jack and Ianto sucked… well I tried my best… I'm not good at writing romance… or anything happy :D

Anyways favorite and stuff. Look at my other stories. And PLEASE REVIEW… I feel like there's no one here when I write these stories, it says 400 views but IT FEELS LIKE IM ALL ALONE :D anyway, I like to hear your input

SEE YOU WHEN I DECIDE TO WRITE AGAIN


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